My GOALS update………

Yes I am still here and yes I am still working on my goals….. I haven’t given up and I am still sticking to it.

for those of you who remember I started writing down my goals in order to keep track of them and to well try to accomplish them

my goals as of 09/2013  were simple but many,  and this is how I fared so far:  dah dah dah ( drum roll please)

Weight loss :

lose weight – 50 pounds : 6 months  due date 04/13/2014

Well we all know this hasn’t happened but so far I lost 30 pound : I am now down to 134  and I started at 164.8 or so.  I think that even though I haven’t reached my main goal and I didn’t reach it by my dead line is okay,  I am still working on it and I don’t plan on giving up.  It’s just taking time to get the weight off.  But I figured it took time to pack it on ( with the help of 2 babies) so It will take time to get it off.

Dream Job:

get a new and better job : total of 1 year from 10/31/13 ( due date changed from 09/16 to reflect new jobs hire date) ;  I am looking for that dream job.

I like my job,  I don’t know if it my dream job ( well it’s not my dream pay,  with me now making a $1k less a month then the sucky job before)  but I like it and I am still trying to find that job in which I have passion for.

Get my DL

get my DL : 30 days from end of March 2014 ( due date changed from 09/16)

Yeah still scared of this,  I know I need to get this taken care of but I am so scared.

New working vehicle

get a new car : one year from 09/16/13 **** hopefully income tax will be enough

Well we have the new to us vehicle and we love it.  I know that we didn’t have the money to buy a new vehicle but we had to get one as we had nothing that ran and without a running vehicle our life is very limited,  even our basic needs are stressed out.  Damn Phoenix City bus service and your lack of service.

Start School

start school by the end of 2014 -*** started school 1/13/2014

Yes I have started school,  It’s a process and I need money to complete it.  I am hoping to be able to take another class for the fall( but first need the money to do it)

Improving myself

Be the best me possible ( 09/19/13)*** it’s a work in process…. baby steps if you will

This is a work in process,  i am a pessimist my nature and this is very hard to change.  Due to this I have very little faith and its hard for me to keep any faith that I have.  I know that I need to start working on me and figuring out how to be positive.

Fit into a pair of Jeans

Fit into a pair of pants i bought May 2010 ( prior to my son before born) **** 20 pounds down, almost 1/2 there

Ummm yeah this is part of the weight issue and I am working on…. this is more of something to look forward to if I achieve my goal

Grammar and spelling

Work on my grammar and vocab 09/19/13.***lets hope schooling will help work on this one

Yep… Still need to take an English class

Comicon

Comic Con 2014 or 2015 – 09/22 **** Not San Diego right now but Phoenix Comic Con

YES I DID THIS ONE TODAY! VERY HAPPY

 

**********************************************

Now I have to work on the goals left over and improve on them.  I need to start making little goals in order to work on the bigger ones.  I need to stay positive and focus on them. Both are very hard things for me to do.

Re examining Goals ……..

So I am needing to re examine my goals and give some status

Wight loss

lose weight – 50 pounds by April 13, 2014….

 MY status

               Lost 20 pounds so Far with like 2 months left for another 30 pounds…. In short I still have a lot of weight to lose but I am almost 1/2 there.

Job:

get a new and better job : total of 1 year from 09/16/13 ( it might take a job change, hopefully not)

My Status

                  I have a new job and I like it, but I don’t think this is my forever job. And I am trying to figure out me to find out what I need to do to find that job.

Getting my Drivers License

get my DL : 30 days from 09/16/13

 My Status: ummm yeah … I need to get this taken care of.  Does anyone have a car I can borrow?  what no takers,  I promise I won’t hit anything ( to bad)

New Car ( or new to be car)

get a new car : one year from 09/16/13

My status: i am working on this, and am Hoping to be able to buy a car with my tax refund.  I know it’s not much money but hoping ( and crossing my figures and wishing on a falling star) that it will get us a good car,  not another car in which will die.

School: College

start school by the end of 2014

 My status:  Hell Yes , I am in school. Now only to figure out what I want to be…… MMMMM any ideas ?  any ? any at all?

 

And for he remainder goals:

Be the best me possible ( 09/19/13)…….. I am working on me everyday,  and in short I need a lot of work.  

Fit into a pair of pants i bought May 2010 ( prior to my son before born)…. 20 pounds down another 15 till post MR baby weight!,  I say by summer,  any                                takers on this bet? 

Work on my grammar and vocab 09/19/13…… mmm yeah,  lets hope schooling with fix this or improve on it. 

Comic Con 2014 or 2015 – 09/22…. well we might not be going to the San Diego Comic Con ( still our dream) but we are saving for the phoenix Comic con

on the issue of my weight…. yes I know the topic you all have been waiting for

So last time I posted , a real post on weight I was at 149.8, and then the holiday’s hit and I started well going down another path. By Another path , I mean stressed out and well a little depressed.

After the holidays, I went to about 150,  and now,  well now  I am … weight for it ( get it weight , and wait, haha crack my self up)

wait for it

are you ready for it….. I mean are you ready for it 

I am down to 145.4 pounds ….

So to answer the question that has been floating around your mind.  Yes I am still trying to lose weight. No I have not given up.  Yes I am working at it all the time.  I have just over a month left.  I know I might not make my goal, but I think I am doing a good job.

I am trying to figure out my next phase of my work out.  I know I need to take it to the next step, but I just well, have been enjoying the few hours I have with my children,  I know I need to work something out but I like playing blocks and cars and princess.  I can’t help it.  But don’t fear, I will figure something out.  I always do.

Oh and for one of my side notes;  next month, yes February,  we are planning on cutting bad carbs for a month from our diets to see how that goes.   By bad carbs I mean bread, noodles, white rice and pastries.  that means no hamburger buns, pizza, cakes , cookies , soda, bagels and chips.  I will still eat the good stuff, you know fruits and veggies.

But don’t worry I will let you know how it goes.  If you have any suggestions please feel free to let me know…….

an update, for me…… today 01/14/14

Happy Tuesday!

well this week, is my first week of school,  I know its only one class but regardless its my first week.

My class is an online class, for math.  I logged-on on Sunday, and started.  And just to let you know…. I was the first one in my class to finish the 1st  assignment(s).

Yep, I am ahead of them all already.

Logged in on Sunday and did the “orientation”  and completed the start-up ( all on Sunday,  and school didn’t start until Monday). Than today , I did our 1st 2 assignments and I will do another tomorrow after work.

THERE WILL BE NO PROCRASTINATION !

MY PLAN….. TO WORK AHEAD … DO AS MUCH AS I CAN AND STAY AHEAD !

MY GOAL =  A in the class

Goals for this up comming week…. Week 1 of the new year Jan 6th through 12th

My goals for the 1st week of this new year are ……

So As most of you may know; if you have read through the site,  I created this blog in order to document and help encourage myself to make changes in my life.  I have a series of goals that I have set for my self. And my weekly goals will hopefully get me to the point of completing these goals. 

Here goes nothing…. Week 1, let’s get this started!

***and Yes I know it’s not like the first week of the new year, but it is the first real week of the new year.  So, I am making my goals start this week.***

1) start a weekly list of to do’s …. things I have to get done each week

2) get together all documents and send all documents to the loan place, in order to prevent foreclosure 

3) stick to my exercise routine, every day.  and my meal plan ( this will be a daily thing)

4) clean up my house, front room, kitchen, bedrooms, bathroom and front and back yards  a little bit every day… help my fiance with the garage 

5) call around to junk yard to pick up my pos car that doesn’t run and see if they will exchange it for a tranny for the jeep.

6) get both vehicles ready for sale, transfer both into my name, and get up and ready sale

7) weigh and measure my self on Tuesday january 7th

8) set up MR 3rd Doctor appointment, and Sophia’s 15 moth

9) register for school, if not to late.  ( both myself and finance)

10) get the kids Pictures taken……. have a friend will hopefully do it for free or cheap

****keep to my goal list, and make a new one for the next week on sunday Jan 12th****

 

 

 

one downfall of a new job

the only down fall with working, with the new job,  I get home at 6:30,  which means I get 1 hour with my daughter before she goes to bed ( and 30 mins of that is with her whining as she is tired and wants to go to bed),  I get 2 hours with my son, and then he is off to bed. My fiance gets home at 9:30 or so ,  and we get 1 hour together before I have to go to bed in order to get up at 6:00 am to get ready for school.

I guess this is the down fall that all parents and people in relationships,  we all have to work and make sacrifices,  The goal is to enjoy them time you have and to make the best of it.

At least this time around I am enjoying myself,  if I have learned anything in my life ( and after my last job) is don’t waste your time at a job you don’t like,  as you spend most of your time at that place, and you don’t want to spend most of your time miserable.  Be happy with what you do and you will be happy with your life,  this is my goal,  to be happy with my employment.

Things to learn

There are several things I want to do,  but there are just as meaning things that I would love to learn to do

1) I want to learn how to drive,  Yes i know I am 32, and you would assume that I would have had my DL by now but I don’t, I am afraid of driving.  I want to learn how to drive, to be independent and be able to go somewhere without asking my fiance to take me or waiting on an unreliable bus. ( that isn’t to say that our truck is reliable, its not)

2) to cook, and enjoy cooking,  yes i know its odd to say both together,  but the reality is I don’t know how to cook, i mess up cookies ( so i now buy pre made cookie dough),  I want to be able to to cook something other than hamburger helper or spaghetti but more importantly I want to enjoy it.  I would love to be able to say I can make thanksgiving dinner and want to make it)

3) I want to learn how to garden,  I now that one is weird but, I don’t have a green thumb, and I know I can be taught.  I just want to be able to keep one of my plants alive, longer than 3 weeks.  or grow something in my back yard.

4) I want to learn how to sew,  I am short so there really isn’t much in my side and when you see petite cloths , they look more like old lady cloths, for some reason designers think petite means old lady,  we ll I am not an old lady and i am tired of shopping in the kids section for capris,  So I would like to learn how to him jeans and also make a few thing too.

5) don’t laugh,  I want to learn to ride a bike.  Okay stop laughing, yes I am 32 and never really learn to ride a bike. Yes I had a bike, but lived in an apartment and my mother wouldn’t let me out side ( cause it was a bad neighborhood) so I never. I would like to learn, I would like to learn so i can help teach my kids to ride their bikes when they are old enough.

6) I want to lean something new each day,  I want to experience something new and different everyday

 

becoming a new me

I have been making goals, some big and some small ones (in hope of helping me achieve the big goals), I have also made some silly goals, like going to comic con, for the idea of having fun.  Goals like these are more like rewards for meeting the big goals.

The real reasons for these goals are to help improve myself, inside and out.  I want to feel good when I look at myself, not just physically but mentally.  In the end, I want to be able to look back at my life and be proud of my achievements.

for the past 32 years I have basically just floated through it, making no efforts and for the past 13 years I have taken no risk, and I feel like I have wasted my time and opportunities to better myself.  Regardless of the reasons to why I choose to pass up the opportunities (self-sabotage), I can’t live in the past and I have to think about not only my future but my babies.

What I am wanting in the end, of all of this (the goals and all) is to be financially stable, self-motivated, self-assure, and all around happy and a good person.  I want to be a good example to my children, and be the change I want in my life.  I know that I am the only one that can make me happy and make this happen in my life.  The lottery is a wish and a good dream, but it’s not real and I can’t keep on leaning on that as my back up plan.

If I am wanting to really change my life, I am going to have to start doing something, taking risks and facing my fears.  I have to actually do something besides watch my life pass me by.  I have to be the change I want.

I am 32 years old, mother of 2 babies (and a 3rd one that I gave up for adoption), and the future wife to a very luck (and great) man. And I have a full life full of challenges and obstacles in front of me and I am afraid but that will not stop me from achieving my goals.

(That was my roar)

Goals – for a new month… week 1 of Nov

Goals for the week

as it is the first week of this month,  November, I am setting my self some goals.  well I am setting weekly goals in general.

so for this week,

I will finish up with my child care stuff

I will keep up with the 1 soda a day thing – no I am not cutting it out completely yet,  It will take some time.  Caffeine is an addiction and it takes time

I will stay happy and not let the stress of it all get to me.  I know this week will be tough,  between the new job and the kids ( I will miss my kids after 3 1/2 months at home with them) , I know it will take its toll but I will need to be strong and take each day at a time.

I will start looking at each day as a blessing

I will start making plans for my future. and get caught up on my bills.  I will figure out some way to become current so I don’t lose my house and everything I worked so hard for.

I will walk a mile each day

I will not eat fast food ( I ate fast food twice last week,  not proud of it but I did)

I will keep my calories controlled and do my best to stay on a good eating regiment

I will finish the laundry up and dishes ( by Sunday)

and last but not least , the most important , I will keep focus on my goals in order to achieve each goal.

 

Next Stage in life

I am at the stage in my life where I am looking and trying to find my Dream job / career.  The problem is that I don’t know what I want to be or what I want to do.  I don’t even know what I am even good at, So In short I don’t even know where I should start to look.

What I do know is that I don’t want to live and die in a cubical.  I don’t want to be one of those people’s who lives there life on “robot” setting and at the end of it all leave the world with regret.  I don’t want to look back at my life and feel like I wasted it.  I don’t want to watch life as it goes by; I want to experience it, taste and feel it.  I want to live my life not watch others live theirs.

I am on a journey to discover myself, inside and out, a Journey of self-discovery.  But I am a little lost on where to go, on what my next step is.

Goals for this week (Monday 10/28 to Sunday 11/3)

I am going to make some small goals for myself each week, this will hopefully help with being able to obtain the big goals.

goals for this week

1) drink only 7 sodas this week – which will be 1 soda a day

2) no fast food, all week-long…. this one will be hard as the fiance likes to stop and get some on the way home…

3) walk a mile a day

4) Try to take care of my DL by the end o the week

5) hopefully get a job –  until I actually start my first day, I am not considered  employed

6) try to keep calm ( don’t yell or take out issues on other people) and remember that things will happen and nothing is worth having if it’s not worth fighting for……….don’t beat myself up as I can’t control everything.  and Remember to breathe

7) long shot…. get the almost 2-year-old potty trained

8) get child care taken care of….

9) finish the laundry

and I think that this is it for right now……. wish me luck ,  I will need it.

Job update

I got the call from the HR dept today,  I am going to meet them tomorrow to fill out paper work. and then wait for the approval,  once approved I go into orientation, only after all of that am i considered an employee.

I still can’t believe that this is all real.  I keep waiting to get a call make with someone saying nah never mind, we change our minds.  I Will let you know more tomorrow,  I meet with the HR at 2pm.

is this really happening , i feel so out-of-place,  its amazing what happens when you have been out of work for over 3 months.

Goals – update

Goals update time!

I haven’t really been able to do much on most of the goals as they require money, AKA job, but things might be looking up

As for the main goal: Job

I think I actually might have one, find out confirmation tomorrow.  So for my goal “get a new and better job: total of 1 year from 09/16/13 (it might take a job change, hopefully not)” might be starting. It is for only $12.00 an hour, so sorry to say I might have to work on finding my dream job still.  But I can pay bill and take care of my family and that’s the important part.

Due to the pay of the job, my comic con goal will have to wait till 2015, but either way, I can always do Phoenix comic con.

on the plus it’s for a car dealership so I might get a discount and be able to get a job by 2014, I have a tax refund coming this year and I know I will need part of that refund to survive but I hope to be able to put some aside so that I can put down a down payment on a car.  We need it so bade.  Right now in the car dept. we are down to a 1986 f250 ford pickup, and if you know cars you know we are spending an arm and leg on gas (11 miles to the gallon), at this point any car is an improvement.

On a plus side, if everything goes as planned tomorrow, I can be getting my DL next week!

And the weight issue, the only good news is that I don’t gain weight.  I weigh in tomorrow but I am not holding my breath. But I think a lot of my problem is the amount of stress I have been under.  I hope that with a job and some of the weight of doom being lift off of me, I can focus more on this.

I believe that this is it for right now.  I let you know when I have more.

Friday delay

Today’s posts (Friday)  are a little delay but for several good reasons.

the main reason,  the job today,  between the running around and interview today, we didn’t get home until after 3 pm ( after leaving at 9:30am)

after that, we dealt with some more family drama and I am calling for a mass family intervention to hopefully fix stupidity ( we’ll see how many supports i have)

Than It was off to Trunk of Treat at the local ( down the street) church.  we were there from 6 to 7 pm,  and my son loved it. It was a mini pre Halloween. The church showed Charlie Brown Halloween special, and then we went trunk or treat.  next time we will be there earlier!

and then came my first time to do a girls night,  in short first girl night since before my son was born ( so over 3 years ago).  Tonight i went to my first Bonko party.  It was great, had so much fun! i want to do it again,  i hope I get invited again,  I didn’t get home until after 11pm.  It was a crazy (for mom) night.

today was a great day and hopefully this is a sign of good things to come.

Wednesday hump day turned into Wednesday Rough day.

Today was rough, very rough.  and right now i am incredibly happy that  I haven’t told anybody I know about this blog.  as it gives me the ability to speak about it without all the Q&A regarding it

my goals for today were blown away,  not because i did anything wrong, it’s because i had other things on my mind. I did have good news,  my little cousin came back to the USA and is visiting family for the next 3 weeks until he gets stationed in Europe ( on his easy assignment) . and I got a call today for a possible job interview,  i will find out more tomorrow.

but today was taken over by family,  or family drama to be correct.

almost all my family drama comes from my fiance’s side, not because there isn’t family drama on my side, it’s just that we aren’t really a family on my side.  between all the divorces and falling outs we aren’t who we used to be, we are not as close.

there are perks to being not as close but more negative, at the end of the day there isn’t a family there.

as of today i haven’t decided what is better,  the drama and a family or the lack of drama and no real family unit.

but that is life,  there are always ups and downs in everything,  it’s a scientific fact.

picture of the day : Paris in rain

 

I always wanted to travel.  I don’t really know where I want to go ,  I just want to be somewhere else.  I would love just to pack up my bags and just go … just go anywhere.  I wish I was brave enough just to go,  to be someones postcard in the mail.

I don’t mean like on a vacation,  I mean to actually travel, to be able to go anywhere and live anywhere.  Just to have that ability to back up and pick a new home.

I guess now I use the excuse that i have kids and no money,  but to be honest i have always had some sort of excuse.

I would love to see Paris , Ireland, England, just to escape to Europe.  i so wish I could just pack up and go,  I wish it was just that simple.

Some day I guess

Monday Job reviews

I am trying to do a different take on job search….. I don’t know what that take is but I figured i would try something new.

My 3 main site are Careerbuilder.com, Indeed.com and Craigslist. ( yes Craigslist,  believe it or not there seems to be a lot more on Craigslist than anywhere else and unless you have a better site for me to use, don’t judge)

On Craigslist – I have been looking under accounting and fiance and medical and health ( I am really wanting a job in the health care field but I believe this to be a long shot but I am still trying)

under accounting there were 15 jobs posting ; out of those 15 jobs I only have enough experience to apply for 3 of them, but I can’t as they are located in Tempe and I have no way to make it to Tempe ( bus doesn’t run early enough or there is no bus in that direction.  So no luck there

the same can be said under medical / health there were over 25 jobs posted and I could only apply for 1 of those jobs as i either needed a degree or a year or more experience in the health care field ( which I don’t have)

as for Indeed and career builder,  all together there were a total 4 jobs in which I could apply for as all others were : wanting a college degree, where in the health field for accounting and wanted prior health care experience, or they were  nowhere near me ( no ability to commute).

out of those 4 jobs; I had already applied for 2 of them prior.

I believe i can call today a bust in the job market.  I really wish I would have gone to college prior to now.  but as it stands right now i can’t go back until I find a new job.

The irony in all of these, I was set to go to college in 2006, but then our business was booming and I was asked to work around 60 plus hours ( some times 80 hours) a week and I made the choice than to put it off for the company and go to school later, and the kicker of it all, I was enrolled to start in August and had to drop out as I lost my job and couldn’t commit to school as I need to find a new job.

In short i feel used and abused and left out in the rain.

yep, that’s a big kick in the you know what.

weight Loss goal and time limit

I have given my self 6 months to lose 50 pounds,  6 months to get into shape ( and not the shape of a circle,  no more round)

I am 5 foot ( 5’1 in the morning) and I weigh 162 pounds.

I am having huge issues on loosing weight.  And I have been looking up how to get this started.  At the end of it all the best way to lose weight is by well getting off my Ass and actually doing something different.

to complete my goal i will need to change everything, between my eating, activities and thought process.  I will have to see a doctor and get my thyroid check out.  My family has a history of thyroid problems and if my thyroid is not working this can have something to do with my lack of weight loss but more importantly It’s just important to get it check out for other health reasons.

I will have to control not only what I eat but how much of what I eat.  i will need to slowly cut out carbs ( bad carbs such as lot of bread) and eat more chicken and veggies.  i will need to choose better fruits to eat and cut out pork and mad meats.

I will need to walk at least  30 mins  to an hour a day.  along with this ( as it will only maintain my weight not really change it,  but this can also shape/form my body)

I will need to also do high cardo, with light weights,  this will help burn the carbs in which I am taking in.

the hardest thing will be figuring out how to drop soda.  this is my real last addiction, ( I quite smoking and drinking when I got pregnant  with my son but this is the last demon I have)

I will have to drink mostly water, or flavored water.

this will be tough but i am starting fresh.

adoption part 3

I find that even though my adoption had been over 11 years,  it’s still hard to actually talk about the details.

I have no problems talking or saying that I have had an adoption,  but the details are a little harder.  I am a little bit more guarded.  The details suck to talk about.

It’s hard to explain to people,  its hard because I am ashamed of my actions during my pregnancy and i wish I did things different, i wish I was strong enough back than to have done things different.

I think that is the problem most people like me have..  it’s not the adoption but the reasons the lead up to the adoption.  it the fact knowing that you have failed. That you weren’t good enough for your own child.  that your own actions lead to all of these.

i have spent my whole life since than trying not to make the same mistakes,  trying to make up for my lacking.  for my down fall, i guess.

would i have done thing differently …….. yes, yes i would.

I wouldn’t have staying in my so-called relationship.  I wish i could have left, I wish left,  this is what I wish the most.

I knew he was cheating on me,  i knew he didn’t care,  but I was so scared, so afraid. I was so weak back than, ( its not that I am strong now,  just stronger than I was) .

Talking about what lead up to the adoption and during the pregnancy is hard….  I don’t like this part.

weight loss goal……….back to work

So, I have been a little preoccupied with feeling sorry for my self.  So I haven’t loss any weight but i haven’t gained any other.  Tomorrow I will be measuring my self and I am hoping nothing has gone up.

my weight is one of the hardest things to control, because i enjoy food,  not just any food but carbs.

I am thinking I may need to do another approach to these weight loss stuff.  I have been looking up stuff online, I will keep you posted,  but its not looking good.  I think i need help

Job and self worth

I have been on my up and downs lately and I can honestly say that I think as you enter your second month of unemployment is when you start beating your self up and start loosing your faith, There is only so much a person can take.

As I was having a conversation with one of my close friends and I was telling her how this job search thing can eat a person up inside,  she told me this” don’t let the devil get to you. He’s a damn lair. Your self-worth has nothing to do with where you work or what type of work. You are important”

this hit me like a ton of bricks ,  as she is 100% right, but it seems like in today’s society that it is shoved down our throat that if we don’t have a job we are no longer a valued part of society and we are judged based on the type of job and its pay.

To hear ( read) her say this to me, put it is perceptive,  I am not my job, and I am more than a value on a paycheck,  and I have to keep reminding my self of these, as I don’t want my kids to grow up with this same feeling.

as my reserve money is down to nothing and As i entered into government help,  my self-esteem and happiness has dropped, and at times I feel hopeless.   I have started to feel like a failure, as if I have let my family down.  I am ashamed of where I am in my life,  and I feel like I have been made to feel this way by the society we live in.

when in our nation and a society start to put money and wealth above the value of humane life and humane needs? why would a job and or money determined who a person is and not there every day action.  Since when is it a person who has money more important than a person who lives there lives for others.

I guess what I am saying is does having money and a job make you who you are or the choices you make in your every day normal life?

week 3 ( I think)

week 3 breakdown ( I think its week 3)

As we enter into week 3 , I am sure busy ( thank the lord)  I have a job interview tomorrow first thing in the morning, than I am going down to the state job program to sign up and meet with a job person ( not sure what they are called)  , in hopes to further help me obtain a job.

Tuesday, I my little lady’s 1st birth day, and we have hopes in taking her to the zoo,

Wednesday I have another job interview set up, Hoping it goes well

and after that,,  my week looks free.

Depending on how things go Monday , I Think I will be going down to the local hospital ( right up the road) and apply for a volunteer job,  As it will give me something to do during this off time.

Besides that,  my week look good and “clear”,  I am hoping that the job market gets better, its been really slow lately.  but with the holidays coming, I am hopeful for some action.

In the personal area, My daughter birthday party went very well, and my 2 years old thought all the gifts were for him , and at one point even stated look mama I got new toys,  its my present.  but hey what ever floats at this time,  as they share the toys regardless.

I am hoping for a good week……. so lets get this started

My Blog breakdown

I created my blog to help me with documenting this part of my life ,  as it is right now.  in order to help me deal with the emotions of it all.

my life as of right now is overwhelming and chaotic at times , but I love it.  it is stressful but fun…. I wouldn’t trade it in for anything.  but still I would like a break or breakthrough in it.

My life right now is about finding a new job and career path, along with raising 2 babies ( 3 if you count my fiance) , My adoption of my baby girl, my weight and hopefully weight loss and well actually trying to finish something I start , Yes I am a procrastinator.  It is one of my biggest flaws.  which is why I thought of doing this blog,  I am hoping it will help encourage me to actually follow through with all  of my goals.

But like my life this blog will bounce around. I will post things out-of-order and change the subject to something out of the blue.  I honestly can’t help it,  it is how my brain works.  I can’t explain it but its like fireworks  or lightning going off in my head,  one moment I am thinking of one thing than the next its something else.  this is how it has always been for me,  It really hard for me to stay focused on one thing for a long time.

So, I created this blog, and In doing so I decided not to tell anyone I know,  so that I can be truthful, to force myself to be truthful about all of it, and with out the fear of  being judged.

This is my blog,  this is me.

Tuesday Job day

Hello to All,

Today I went on another job interview,  I am hoping it went well and leads to a job…. cause that is the goal and point of it all.

But my dilemma,  as my fiance pointed out,  its no where near me.  Its is Scottsdale and I am in Phoenix/Glendale.  and I would have to ride a bus all the way there and than walk around a 1/2 a mile to it.   Which I am fine with,  I look at it this week,  it takes care of two goals in one.  1) I get a job and can pay my bills 2 ) helps me loose weight and get into shape,  It guarantees me a mile every day,  who can ask for more., right?

either way I think its a good start…. wish me luck!

So I have had it….. I want to go to comic con

Yes I know, I have no job to afford and have no idea how I am going to coming up with the money but I want to go to comic con 2014.

I want to be one of the nerds that puts on costumes and parade around ( as long as it isn’t princess Leia). I want to sit through all the panels, and walk around to all the booths,  I don’t care i want to go.  I love Star Wars,LOTR, doctor who, HP, anime, comics and comic book movies.  I Can’t help it, I am a nerd at heart  Give me Batman, Naruto, Spawn, the hulk, Ironman and black panther.

I admit it, I am a comic book/movie, anime, star wars, LOTR, whovian and HP obsessed freak of a  Nerd.  Yes I am a nerd.

okay I got that off my chest,  thank you for listening and have a great day.

Another goal to add to the list,  Go to Comic Con 2014 ( or 2015)

weight loss

So I read that when losing weight it is best to weigh your self once a week ,  Some trainers actually recommend to weigh and do your measurements  the first day of your fitness and food program — and then staying off the scale for four-week ,  this would include doing the measurements

I will be weighing myself once a week,  there is no way that I can wait 4 weeks to weigh myself….and I will be doing measurements every two weeks,  I don’t think I can go 4 weeks on this too.

My next weigh in is this up coming Monday and next measurement will be next Monday. Also starting this Monday I will do my best to keep my intake at 2000 calories a day.

I will start “Insanity” program again on Monday and see where it gets me and I make no promises as last week was an epic fail within 10 mins of starting.  And no I will not be posting any before or after pictures,  I already put down my weight, height and measurements,  that was embarrassing enough.  I am pretty sure that that with those 3 put together, they paint a clear picture of short and “fluffy”.

My friday….. A fresh Start is needed

On this my Friday,  I am considering it my fresh start.  I cleaned up a little ( mostly the kids room) , I am still picking up the front room,  but my son doesn’t seem to agree with me as he keeps bring out his toys that I have been putting away.  I managed to fill out 1 job request from Indeed.com,  1 from CareerBuilder.com and another sorry to say it, from craigslist.

To be honest I am not sure if I should be using craigslist,  but I don’t know what else to do,  i am running out of time and out of places to look for a job…….So if any one is out there reading and has some advance or suggestions,  Please share.  I need as must help as possible.

Once my fiance comes home,  i will go for a walk to the store, as this is my alone time, and get dinner.  this walk also helps with my goal to lose weight as the total distance back n forth is amount a mile.  So i will also get my walk in for the day.

I haven’t decided on what we are going to eat yet,  I was thinking sausage, peppers and noodles.

Tonight ( once the house is clean,  I will be helping my fiance with his school work, and then, once complete, I will putting in a dvd and watching a movie.  and once 9 pm hits, I will be doing laundry.

I am trying to keep a level head on everything,  Its hard, but I know that freaking out will not help.

New goal ….Picking up the pieces

Okay my new goal (to add to my others) to become the best me that I can be.

I will be the best me possible not only for me but for my kids and fiancé. I will pick up my life and I will move forward in a positive direction.  I will find myself a job / career that I love and that I am passionate about.

I am unsure of how I will do this, as this is new for me.  But I will figure out a way.

I applied for 2 more jobs with the county (it may take months to hear back) and I applied for two more through career builder.  I don’t know if I will hear back but either way I tried.

I know that I can’t go back to school until I get a job, so my main priority is a job.  (I wish I had more options of jobs to choose from but I don’t, doing the same thing for the past 10 + years does that for you)

I will pull myself back up and I will move on from all of this.  (This is not my I am women hear me roar moment, this is just me knowing that feeling sorry for myself doesn’t help with anything) I will be more for my kids; I will be the mother for them that I couldn’t be for my first child.

This is me unsure of what I am doing but determined to figure it out.   Just point me into a direction.

(ROAR) meow

****I have updated all my pages with current info, including my goals****

Goals

So I thought that I would actually start making goals and actually doing them.  I know it s a really new concept for me.

My goals are  as follows and they are pretty basic

1) Lose 50 pounds,  I would like to be in the 110 area.  Tired of being fat and and more tired of looking in the mirror and seeing it.

2) find a job,  a better job.I lost my job recently and even though some people think it is sad,  I am actually happy about it,  its a new beginning

3)go back to school and get my education taken care of –  this one will actually take some time but it needs to be done.

4) buy a new car.

5)  be in the process of a bigger house ( I girl can dream)

I give my self a time line of 1 year to complete.

Now the real test begins ,  I must actually start and complete this.