conversation with my son

On Sunday around 9 or so I had a conversation with my son and I think it was the best answer I ever received

So I am watching Arthur Christmas with Michael, yes i know its late and yes he is up, But he doesn’t want to go to bed as he slept from 3 to almost 6pm, any way we are watching the movie and he says ” mama I want magic” and I said you do,? he said yes, I asked him well where does magic come from…. he sat there and thought for a while saying nothing and I asked him again, do you know where magic comes from. and after a little while longer he replied,
” Yes, it comes from stories” …
I think that is the best response ever

 

blog

So I was going to write a blog, but my daughter came up to me and wants to play blocks with me.  So I am sorry you will have to wait until later.  its time to play

today’s post/blog

Yes I know, lame title but here it goes

Yes I am still loosing weight,  I am at 142 right now,  which is good,  I am not loosing it as fast but I am also not walking 3 miles a day right now.   But regardless, I am loosing weight.  My goal is still going on,  just not as focused on it.

I know I haven’t been writing that much,  i can’t help it.  Its been busy and stressful over here.  With trying to get my finances in order and also, I guess with trying to find my self in all,  I have been pre occupied.

I didn’t want to bore anyone with all the what do I do with my life, and self discovery ( or lack there of ).

My days right now seem to roll into each other,  and I am trying to keep my self focused on my main goal:  my future ; permanent career.   Which I still don’t know what it is.  I am not sure if I think it’s just going to land in my lap or really wishing it would.  Like one day I bump into someone and they are like ” you know what you would be good at” and I have an opening right now,  willing to train for a high paying job”  yeah like that is ever going to happen.  But I guess one can dream or hope, or pray for the most absurd thing possible.  Like winning the lotto…. I guess it does happen for some.

right now I am enjoying being a parent and all that comes with it, such as the 3am puke storm.  Yep this happen twice this week, both kids at about 3 am, two different nights. I think they planned it.  I swear these kids are working against us,  its like  WWE tag team match.  while you are dealing with one the other sneaks up behind you with a metal chair and hits you when the ref isn’t look.  sly little kids.  I guess this is what they meant by ” be careful what you do to your parents as your kids were do it back but twice as bad”

My biggest problem lately is staying focused.  My ADD is really acting up with the chaos going on around me.  I am having a hard time focuses on one thing and actually completing a task.  Not sure what to do about it.

My good new is that my son as figured out that there is more than 2 movies to watch.  Now the movies have grown from just wreck it Ralph and Brave, to include Arthur Christmas, Hotel Transylvania, Pirates and band of misfits , and Planes.  So I guess my viewing pleasure has improved if not my sanity.

which leads me to ask,  how is it that these people come up with the stories.  I guess all those nerds and geeks who were made fun of in school are laughing all the way to the bank.  Who cares if you can play a sport or who was voted the most popular with creativity like this.  Sorry but writers, gamers, geeks and nerds are much cooler and have way better jobs when they get older.

Finding light in the dark

as stated prior,  I am dealing with a lot, most of it is financially.  In short I am Financially f@#*ed.  It’s extremely depressing.  But Its life I guess.  And to be honest, after working in the business I was in for over 10 years, I can honestly say,  I have heard my story told through others,  just this time it’s all mine.

It’s short it is how it is… I don’t know what to do to stay above the water and there isn’t enough time in one day to do a quarter of it…. which is why I am sinking… but I am trying to find the light at the end of this very dark and long tunnel.

My joy right now…. my kids.  I know its cheesy but its true…. I just sat here and watched my MR play “talking Ben” ( a talking dog app that repeats what you say and some other stuff) ,  to me the game is boring but to my son its amazing and he thinks it’s the funniest thing ever.  He was sitting there for about 20 mins playing it and just laughing his butt off.  in short, it was the best part of my day.  To see him sitting there laughing at something so silly and stupid but to him it’s well mind-blowing.

Look at the end of the day,  its the best way to end it. And I am trying to do my best to keep my mind on the pile of  “poo” piling up ( sorry, trying to watch my language, slipped in front of my son, and well he repeats).  as of right now, I know there is little I can do,  I don’t make nearly enough, and wont make anything close to what I was making a year ago, so no point on whining about it all the time (sorry but there are not many good paying jobs out there, especially for someone with no college degree)

I am trying to pull up my big girl panties ( kick and screaming of course) and just try to take care of things….Right now its just hard but at least I have my kids to make things seem a little bit simpler and joyful (minus the dirty diapers)

So story for the day:  Yesterday My MR , who is 3 and just now deciding on doing the potty training thing, had to use the potty and went walking into the bathroom ( my master bathroom that is),  I was in my bedroom reading to Lady and putting her down for the night.  He walked into the small bathroom, and left the door open.In which I went to tell him to shut the door, but only stopped to watch him curiously as he went to the toilet stood on his tippy toes and tried to pee like a real man.  Only problem,  his is only 3 and doesn’t have aim yet or the height to do it.  never less he tried, pee’d on everything short of in the toilet, and he did try hard to aim for the bowl, even with me trying to give him instructions from my bed and my Lady watching on ( she seemed to be cheering him on).  I couldn’t yell at him,  he actually used the toilet…. and more importantly all by himself… Just got to work on that aim, and cleaning up when done.  So here is to that day in which he will aim and hit his mark, a day without diapers, and cleaning up after number 1’s and number 2’s.

Good night to all

Funny how kids change you

I find it funny how kids change you.

For example: my  little lady now loves Tinker Bell and her fairy friends.  Its her new thing,  yes my 1 year old has a new thing….. and her new thing, well, its my new thing.

So now, I love fairies.

My son likes mickey, and the Muppet’s and Jake and the Neverland Pirates,  so do I.  And he loves Cars, Wreck it Ralph and Brave…. and Now so do I.

Its funny how I tried so long to be different and have my own individuality but the moment I had kids, it seems like I try to fit in with them.

I love my kids, I think that they make me a better person!  Very lucky mom right here

How do you know you are a good parent…….

When your 3 year old knows who Harry Potter is….. Book and Movie.

example: I was flipping through the Channels ( and yes this is not normal right now as for the last 3 weeks we have been watching 2 movies non stop, and yes we just got done watching both of those) , any way flipping through the channel and my son stopped me and yelled Harry potter.  And when I looked at it, it was a scene in which Harry potter wasn’t even in, but yet my son knew the movie,

**** so, in short my son is loving harry potter****

But don’t think that all he does is watch TV,  he doesn’t.  actually its the opposite.  See when I say we watched Wreck it Ralph or Brave ,  I mean it was on, and we were doing something else.  See,  its back ground noise. Its actually a really bad habit, don’t know how to break.  we seem to need the back ground noise, and music doesn’t work for me.

On a side note,  we are reading ” how to train a dragon” series, and its awesome. We read a chapter a night almost.  we are now on the 2nd book. They are really good and I would recommend the to everyone.

See I enjoy reading but only things I like, or trip my trigger.  And I know that reading is good for children, but I can’t stand the kids book, with pictures and a word or two ( or sentence) on each page… those drive me nuts.  And to be honest Kids just need the reading right now, so I do books in which i can get involved with so my kids can watch and hear me get excited and into the book… i do this with hope that it may excited them when they are older.  But more importantly it teaches them new words and lets them use their imagination.

Right now its the Dragon series and when we are done and both kids are a little older we will move on to lemony snicket, and  The Harry potter series and then the ultimate seriers… Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings.

I know most think I should do the younger books in order to teach them to read, but that’s not me or how I work.  I read to me kids because its our time, this is something we can do together.  and we are experiencing it together.  But more importantly because they enjoy it and I enjoy it.  They will learn to read, but this is story time.  This is the time in which they can use their imagination.

to be honest I probably should have started with limony snicket and than dragons,  but oh well.

Mass cleaning day!!!!!

So we are cleanin….g the house today, mass cleaning,  Spring cleaning really.  and even though you might say ” Spring cleaning?, its not spring” .. Ummm yeah, I live in AZ,  its spring for us.  In AZ its either really hot, extremely hot, cooling down , and nice, and then we restart.  Its almost time for the Really hot to begin.  Stupid climate change.

 

Any way, we are cleaning our house out and getting rid of as much as we can.

its not fun,  I will repeat , Not funny.  having two babies running around and pulling out everything we put away, and than creating new spills over the spills we have just cleaned up.

 

So to re cap, we are running around like a chicken with their heads cut off……. yep just the normal parenting stuff.  ( as a side note: no one explained this in the parenting manual)

Oh my Thursday…..Its Over

Well I am glad today is over….

and In case you don’t know what that means… It means… Its Friday!  which means Its the weekend!

ITS THE WEEKEND!  well at least it will be once I get off of work.

oh and a side note, I am now down to 144 pounds

yep yep…. I am actually a little shocked!

Also on a parenting note,  potty training is hard. I mean it, really hard.  I don’t know what I am doing.  and I don’t know what I am doing wrong.  The hardest part… keeping calm, and reminding myself,  he is a baby and doesn’t understand.

For example Yesterday at daycare our sons Teacher told us this.

MR was playing outside during recess,  and well he had an accident. and he doesn’t like his accidents, so he didn’t want to be wet anymore.

in case you don’t know what is going to happen,  let me just skip to the part the teacher noticed.  MR ran up to her and handed her his shoes, socks, pants and underwear.

and than turned around showing his little naked butt and went to run back to the juggle jim.

Yep he was naked from the bottom down,  but he wasn’t done playing so he tried to run back and play. She had to grab him and try not to laugh, and tell him he couldn’t run around naked in from of people.

Yeah,  my son the nudist….. the teacher could barely keep herself from laughing as he described what happened.

 

Having a conversation with my son

I had a conversation with my son the other day.

it went like this :

Me on the computer just looking at stuff,  My son wanted to go to the Disney store site. So I went to the Disneystore.com

On the Disney website we were looking at the supper heroes,  and my son pointed to Iron man

MR: “mama, Iron Man, me, I Ironman.” , Me: “you are Ironman”

MR:”yes.  and you,  you captain America. see” ( he pointed to captain america); Me;  “that’s me? ” MR, “yes”

Me “what about dad?”  MR: “HULK,  daddy HULK”  ; basically saying like duh mama, of course

Me : “oh really Daddy HULK,?”     MR”Yes”

Me: “What about Sissy and brother, ”       MR ” Oh sissy spider man and brother, hammer”

Me” Hammer?, You mean Thor?”           MR ” Yes, Thor”

***So there you have it, in case you didn’t know,  you are talking to the Avengers Family.*****

Bet you didn’t know you were reading the blog of a famous super hero family!

For that Picture of the day….. and the picture is …..

To my kids

For My kids,  The Duddier and Little lady… Nothing better than having the best of both worlds…. My Princess and Tough little man….  It may be hard right now, and well it sucks almost everywhere.  But I have this…..

being a parent

well I can tell you I am a parent, and my kids rule.  And I don’t mean that because they are awesome, cause they are. I say that cause they control and rule over me in every way.

Example,  for the past two weeks I thinks we have watched Wreck it Ralph and Brave like every day.  And my food,  at least the food I intend to eat, well they eat it. Which is probably why I am still loosing weight.

The cutest thing I have to say that happened today was, picking up my kids from day care.  See, I went to pick them up today,  and I went to my little lady’s room first.  She saw me, creamed “MAMA” than got up ran and cried to me.

Yep she cried to me.  Its actually really odd,  when ever we pick her up from day care, she sees us and the first thing she does is cry. That is how she greats us. She Cries,  So I guess she really missed us.  It feels odd when she does it, because the teachers and other parents (picking up their kids) all look at us.  But She misses us,  and I guess overwhelmed when she sees us and just can’t help it.

As for my son,  well he is a talker now,  and is starting to tell us everything.  And by everything I mean, he told us how a kid in his class hit him and the next day he pointed the kids out.  Now I will be honest,  it took a lot not to walk over to the little bully and smack him for hitting my baby.  But I did good, we told the teacher and let the school handle it for right now.  I can’t help it I am extremely protect of my baby.

As a side note ( we all now how much I love my side notes) : I am still a newish parent,  and my parenting style is well, I guess, Attachment parenting.  In case you haven’t already figured it out.  I don’t believe in spanking, my kids sleep in the same room and most nights the same bed.  I do believe in allowing the child to explore and well making their own “safe choices”. I don’t push my kids away but instead let them do the leaving on their own, letting them know that we are here for them when they return.  Yes I spoil my kids but I want them to take chances in life and know that if they really need us we will be there for them.  Oh parenting, its basically a glorified teaching job.  Yes teachers say they are under paid, well being a parent you don’t get paid you do it out of love.

Well that enough from me today……But one final thing…..I LOVE MY KIDS!

 

OMG.. I had an actual date night

So for those that don’t know, I have two kids,  2 young kids that is.  I have a now 3 year old ( as of 12/30) and a 1 year old.  So I don’t go out or get out much,  but not just because they are young but because we are broke and trying to recover financially from a job loss.

Well, thanks to an awesome friend and his niece, we were able to get out of the house and have a date.  our first date in like, I don’t know 3 years.  And not just any date, a double date ( our friend and his girl friend), with grown ups.  We were able to go out on a date and have grown up time too.  that’s right you read that correctly,  I was able to go out with my love and with our friends and have some adult fun.  ( we owe this date not only to our friends but family members for the wonderful gift cards they gave us)

What did we do you ask… well nothing big.  We went and had dinner at chick fil la ( yes I know not very romantic but easy on the budget and well I love Chick Fil La) and then we went out to a movie.  And not just any movie,  we saw …. The Hobbit,  yes we saw a 3 hour movie,  it was so great.  There were no pauses, diaper chances, babies crying or interruptions and I didn’t fall asleep in the middle either.  It was really exciting.  the only down fall,  it will be another year until part 3 comes out.

But I am so grateful for the 4 hours I had with just being an adult, being with friends and with my Love.  To have the time, even though so small, it keeps my sanity with all the diaper changes, crying and well life.

It may seem odd that this is a big deal for some, but it you are a parent you will understand, especially if you have more than one kid.  And if you are a LOTR fans (ringer) you really understand the excitement I feel about seeing part 2 of the hobbit and how horrible the wait is for me to see part 3.

On a side not with the movie: is it just me or did the guy that played Bard the Bowman look like and older version of Orlando Bloom‘s William Tunner character in Pirates.  Just saying.  For a moment I actually thought that PJ gave OB two parts in the film.

Growing up and still waiting on my fairy Godmother…. I think I was lied to

This morning, Disney was playing Cinderella, and I stopped doing what I was doing long enough to see the part where Cinderella is crying after her evil step sisters‘ destroy her dress and the Fairy Godmother appears to say her day and make her into a beautiful ” princess”  and as I watched it dawn on me I was lied to.

I think I watched every Disney princess movie growing up, and i yet to have met my Fairy Godmother to save my day,  or ‘someone’ to fix all my problems or help me out ( no dwarfs, no magical sea witch, no woodlyn creatures, or any fairy godparents).

Damn fairy tales and Disney, leading me on my entire life……..  where’s my happily ever after and big castle. I am waiting!!!!!!!

BED TIME , HA WHO NEEDS A BED TIME……

****warning parenting post***

yeah I never said i was the best parent in the word.  or that i was even trying to be the best.  But I do love my kids

Anyway,  its like 10:30pm and my two-year old is still up and going strong.  He is actually sitting right next to me.  We are watching Doc McStuffins.  And next its Henry Hugglemonsters …… something tells me he isn’t going down anytime soon.  we are in for a night of Disney jr

and On a side note,  for being a boy and loving all things boy,  he sure does love Doc McStuffins.

Today, Today, Today…….MMMMMMmmm Not a good day I say

Well, today was a bad day.  bad day as a mother, I guess.

I have a job I like,  just not the pay.  And this is the problem.  Or part of the problem.   I make around 1k less,  and this digs deep into our ability to provide for our family.

I just found out today that I wouldn’t get paid for thanksgiving and the day after thanksgiving.  This check that I just received today, I was hoping to be able to but its short.  which means I am short on funds.

I knew that It was a long shot, but I was hoping. And I know its stupid to be upset over something like this,  but I was hoping, just hoping that I could pull it off.

I know I shouldn’t be whinnying over material items, such as Christmas presents, But there is no worse feeling to feel for a parent to know that you let your kids down,  especially on a holiday like Christmas.  Yes my kids are 3 and 1, but I also have a stepson who is 14 and a stepdaughter who is 12. and my little boy is 3 and he knows about Santa and has been surprisingly talking about Santa for the last couple of weeks.  And I feel like I have failed them.

it really sucks right now.  I feel like a really big failure.  I don’t know how to tell them that we can’t do it this year, and i don’t know they will react.  Kids shouldn’t have to deal with thing like this.  I really don’t know what to do, and nothing seems to be right, like there is no right answer.

how do you tell kids that there is no Christmas,  I feel like the Grinch.

it just sucks, really bad, really sucks .

guess who is walking!!!!!!

***WARNING MOM ABOUT TO BRAG ABOUT CHILD****

now that you have been warned

My little Lady is walking, well sort of walking.  She gets up,  stands there for a little and takes a few steps and either grabs on to something and continues ( with holding on) or she just sit down.

I know she is over 1,  to be exact she is 14 months. And to be honest my son walked at 10 1/2 months.  But she is my little girl, my baby, and since I am not wealthy ( and from the looks of it never be) she is my last.  So she will always be my little baby.

Right now she is my little baby walking,  not much of an actual baby anymore.

go little lady go

 

Family night, turned into alone time?

Its family movie night, or so I thought.

I got off of work early today, 5 pm with being picked up instead of a bus ride home, and we picked up my stepson (from his moms) and our kids ( from daycare) and than we went to Costco to get a few things and dinner, what else but Pizza.  *****its friday and friday for me means Pizza, this has been tradition for me since I was a kid****

Came home, made the pizza and thought cool family time.  Turned on the tv for our movie,  ABC family is showing ” The Muppet Christmas Carol” ,  which is great.  At least I thought,  but some how what was to be movie night turned into me sitting in the front room myself before I knew it.

First, my 1-year-old little lady,  fell asleep in my arms ( 7:15pm) so I put her down.  Next some how my fiance went into the other room to go on the computer,  he left just as I put her down,  when I came back out from laying her down he was gone.

I sat back down,  this time just me, my Step son and my little MR. as I was getting into the movie, MR was gone (735),  it turned out he walked into the bedroom and laid down and went to sleep with his baby sister.

So it was just me and my step son, so I though.  It turns out 14-year-old don’t want to watch the Muppets or a Christmas carol.  On to his nook with him and into the other room ( his bed room).  This left me alone, by myself,  watch the movie at 8pm.  Within an hour it went from family time and movie to little old me by myself.

mmmmmm…. I guess there goes family movie night.   knew this would happen at  some point, I just thought I had some more years.  Oh well,  I will watch the Muppets Christmas Carol by myself then.   They don’t know what they are missing.

Picture of the day – A new book

 

Its picture of the day time!

So I have a picture of books with rain,  this is because I got a new book and I wish it was raining while I read it.  Well I wish it was raining period, but I am not god and I can not control the weather so I am stuck with the sun.  Anyway.  I got a new book today, so I put down Twilight ( cause I was bored and wanted to read something, that had rain in it) and I am reading my new book.

I am already on page 40 and just started reading it like an hour ago.  Yes I know I am a slow reader but I can’t help it,  I have dyslexia, and when I read I have to re read at the same time just so I can under stand what I am reading.  So please don’t make fun of me.

On a side note,  one of the reasons I hated school so much was the reading out loud part.  Remember that,  when the teacher would go from person to person and have each person read, yeah this is a really bad thing when you suffer from dyslexia, its nothing like being the center of attention with a reading disorder and then have everyone laugh at you and asking if you are stupid.  Oh the great childhood memories…. nothing like scares that you caring around for a life time.

oh well, time to move on

I will have more information on the book shortly……….

Day care time

Well the kids have been in day care for 3 weeks total, even though they were not really in day care for the 2nd week as they were so sick and we couldn’t take them.  Now the kids are feeling better, but not 100%. But this week brought us a dilemma.

The first week of day care went great; the kids seemed to like it and by kids I mean my son (my little lady cried her eyes out when we dropped her off and when we picked her up).  My son, actually, loved it.  He was excited every day and when we picked him up he would tell us no (he didn’t want to leave) and for us to leave, he wanted to play.  But by Friday he had started to get sick (and he had his first “accident” at day care, he tripped and fell and hit his head) and by Sunday it was full blown sick

So he missed day care almost all the 2nd week, we brought him in on Wednesday only to pick him back up as he started to run a temp again.  So we kept him home the rest of the week. The little lady went on Wednesday and Friday

Which brings us to this Monday…… We asked are son on Sunday if he was excited about going to school, he said no we asked him why , and being 2 he just repeated no.  We dropped it not thinking much of it. And then Monday came we dropped them off and he started to cry.  The kid that would push us to go and leave the 1st week was no crying for us to not let him go.

We of course left him, telling him the usually, go play with your friends and we will see you later, don’t worry you will have fun.  When I went to pick him up, we ran to me excited to see me (which was great) eager to leave and go home.

these actions continued on Tuesday and again today ( Wednesday)  and now I am worried to why all of a sudden does he not want to go,  did something happen that my little man can’t tell me ( that he is unable to express) or is this because he isn’t 100% better.  We asked him every day this week if he was excited to go to day care, and he said no.  We asked him if he had fun and played, he says play yes, and friends yes and then we ask him if he is excited about going tomorrow and he says no.  Very firmly no. We asked him every day this week if he was excited to go to day care, and he said no.  We asked him if he had fun and played, he says play yes, and friends yes and then we ask him if he is excited about going tomorrow and he says no.  Very firmly no.

Yes I am actually worried about this, and I don’t know what to do.  His first week went great and now this.  I don’t understand and I don’t know what to do to help him. I do wonder if this is normal for kids or if something is really wrong.  I am at a loss of what to do.

its WEIGH IN TIME! and its time for the measurements

As you all may be aware of, I was really sick last week and I missed my weigh in.  When I finally weighed myself I didn’t count it  as I was sick and as we know we tend to lose weight being sick.  In short last week’s weight didn’t count.

But regardless of last week I am do for a weigh in today and my make-up measurements too…..

soooo da da da da daaaaaa daaaaaa daaaaaa daaaaaaa………………………..

This week……………………….

153.0

Yep, I look like I haven’t gained anything back yet.  Actually I lost 0.8 pounds (ounces).  This could be due to me still recovering but I will take it.

Now for the measurements

My old measurements measurement: Neck 15″, Shoulder 48“Chest 42”; Arms L R 13 ” waist 42 (sad day when your chest and waist are the same) butt/hips 43″, thigh L 23 r 24″, calf L 15″ R 16′

New: Neck 14.5, shoulder 44″ chest 40.5″waist 39″Arms L&R 13″butt.hip, 42″thigh R 22 L 22.5, R 15.5, L 15.5

So in all, I lost everywhere.

I can tell you that my cloths that I bought right before I got my job are fitting different. It feels like I am thinning out more on my bottom half that my top half, even though the measurements speak differently.  I think my biggest issues are my arms and stomach (abs) area.  I will need to start working those areas out a lot more.

For my goal, I think I am doing well.  I still am hoping to meet my (4 months from now) goal of weighing 110, but my long-term goal of eating healthier is doing really good.  I haven’t just cut down on the amount of food I eat but also the types of food.  I have slowed down (but not stopped) eating fast food.  My soda consumption has gone down dramatically and I am drinking more water.

Right now my every day diet is pretty basic.  I eat apples and cheese and crackers for both breakfast and lunch, with either 1/3 of soda or a small juice box for a drink ( and drinking water throughout the day).  For Dinner I eat chicken (in any form, including sandwich or chicken burger) or fish. And I will drink maybe another 1/3 of soda, milk or juice.

In short I am wasting a lot of soda, and trying to substitute soda for juice.  And recently discovered that drinking a glass of milk has more calories than the small about of soda I have been drinking, but on the plus it does have some vitamins in it.

I have also been walking a lot.  On Monday, Tues and Thursdays I ride the bus to the kid’s day care center, pick them up and walk from their day care to our house, which is almost 3 miles and on Wednesday and Fridays I walk from the bus stop to my house which is almost 2 miles.

I will have to figure out some small work outs that I can do on my arms and abs in order to lose some more inches off of those places.

I know that this week will be tough, sort of, but I have my goal in place and seeing it actually work has been helping me stay focused.  Also, I am not a fan of turkey and sweets, my only problem will be staying away from the mashed potatoes and bread.

Wish me luck and happy thanksgiving to all.

weigh in missed this week………due to sickness

As you can tell I missed my Monday weigh-in but for a good reason ,  I have been and still am sick.   well actually the whole family is sick.   I was incredibly sick on both Monday and Tuesday which is why the weigh in was missed.  The kids are still really sick,  and have already gone to the ER once and have a doctor appointment tomorrow, fevers are still up for them and show no real sign of going down,  the down side of day care I guess.  I am still sick but I am finally eating some, so I am getting better.

But as for me,  I missed my weigh in and even though I can tell you now what my weight is today, we all know that weight would be incorrect as it is influenced by my sickness.  which means by next week I would have gained some of that weight back .

So that you do know what it is, its 153.8.

but keep in mind that this will more than likely go up by next weigh in.

In short no real loss this week for me,  but keep tuned in for next week.

Its Sunday….Cleaning day

Hello To All

I know its been a while since I posted something or anything at all.  ( which includes my picture posts)

I have been busy,  trying to get things figured out.  We ( my fiance and I ) have been dealing with a lot of unwanted drama and bull (you know what) due to his sister.  In Short a lot of stuff has had us preoccupied and we had to make a lot of difficult choices do to her inability to be a good and normal person.

So today we are having to clean our house, and deal with 2 sick kids.  Our weekend was shot before it even started but we spent some good time with some friends of ours last night and we had a family movie / double date w/ kids at our friends house.  Basically a barque and we watch MU ( Monsters University).  It was really kind of them to have us over as they don’t have kids and our kids ( Our son that it) can be a hand full.

But we have much to handle right now, and one of them is cleaning our house.  Cleaning for us will be our relaxing time ( which is sad,  nothing like calling cleaning relaxing).  We have a lot to do next week and we are hoping that things go  well, good.

picture of the day……. Thanks

picture of the day…. proving that thanksgiving is when “people” put their issues aside for a good meal.

this is in honor of all the facebook post I have been seeing ” 30 days of thanks”

what I am thankful for ( the 1st 12 thanks)

1) a job

2) my children

3) friends

4) family

5) good movies

6)good books, enjoying re rereading the same books over and over.

7) for good neighbors

8) for my former high school helping me out

9) for phones,  so I can talk to my family

10) for the internet , so i can do double communication with them

11) my extended family ( My daughter’s mom, dad, sister and their friends)

12) to my children’s doctors, who I am thankful for acting quickly during the labor which I believe saved their lives

 

 

 

Things to learn

There are several things I want to do,  but there are just as meaning things that I would love to learn to do

1) I want to learn how to drive,  Yes i know I am 32, and you would assume that I would have had my DL by now but I don’t, I am afraid of driving.  I want to learn how to drive, to be independent and be able to go somewhere without asking my fiance to take me or waiting on an unreliable bus. ( that isn’t to say that our truck is reliable, its not)

2) to cook, and enjoy cooking,  yes i know its odd to say both together,  but the reality is I don’t know how to cook, i mess up cookies ( so i now buy pre made cookie dough),  I want to be able to to cook something other than hamburger helper or spaghetti but more importantly I want to enjoy it.  I would love to be able to say I can make thanksgiving dinner and want to make it)

3) I want to learn how to garden,  I now that one is weird but, I don’t have a green thumb, and I know I can be taught.  I just want to be able to keep one of my plants alive, longer than 3 weeks.  or grow something in my back yard.

4) I want to learn how to sew,  I am short so there really isn’t much in my side and when you see petite cloths , they look more like old lady cloths, for some reason designers think petite means old lady,  we ll I am not an old lady and i am tired of shopping in the kids section for capris,  So I would like to learn how to him jeans and also make a few thing too.

5) don’t laugh,  I want to learn to ride a bike.  Okay stop laughing, yes I am 32 and never really learn to ride a bike. Yes I had a bike, but lived in an apartment and my mother wouldn’t let me out side ( cause it was a bad neighborhood) so I never. I would like to learn, I would like to learn so i can help teach my kids to ride their bikes when they are old enough.

6) I want to lean something new each day,  I want to experience something new and different everyday

 

becoming a new me

I have been making goals, some big and some small ones (in hope of helping me achieve the big goals), I have also made some silly goals, like going to comic con, for the idea of having fun.  Goals like these are more like rewards for meeting the big goals.

The real reasons for these goals are to help improve myself, inside and out.  I want to feel good when I look at myself, not just physically but mentally.  In the end, I want to be able to look back at my life and be proud of my achievements.

for the past 32 years I have basically just floated through it, making no efforts and for the past 13 years I have taken no risk, and I feel like I have wasted my time and opportunities to better myself.  Regardless of the reasons to why I choose to pass up the opportunities (self-sabotage), I can’t live in the past and I have to think about not only my future but my babies.

What I am wanting in the end, of all of this (the goals and all) is to be financially stable, self-motivated, self-assure, and all around happy and a good person.  I want to be a good example to my children, and be the change I want in my life.  I know that I am the only one that can make me happy and make this happen in my life.  The lottery is a wish and a good dream, but it’s not real and I can’t keep on leaning on that as my back up plan.

If I am wanting to really change my life, I am going to have to start doing something, taking risks and facing my fears.  I have to actually do something besides watch my life pass me by.  I have to be the change I want.

I am 32 years old, mother of 2 babies (and a 3rd one that I gave up for adoption), and the future wife to a very luck (and great) man. And I have a full life full of challenges and obstacles in front of me and I am afraid but that will not stop me from achieving my goals.

(That was my roar)

enjoying my Saturday, loving being a mom

I am enjoying my Saturday and loving being a mom today.  the thing that sucks being back at work is missing the kids.  It funny I spent so much time wanting to get back to work ( cause I have to as I have bills to pay), I forgot about how much I will miss when I am gone.

Today my 2-year-old son and I had a conversation about Peter pan and Captain Hook.  and we had a hug squeezing match, I find that he is really strong and good at hugs.

My little lady is not feeling good today, running nose and a little cranky.  but still full of mischief.

My kids are 100% my ray of light and they make every day an adventure.

I am looking forward to my fiance coming home from work, so we can run to Costco. And than home for, wait for it , wait for it…..Family Movie night.  I love Family Movie night.

I find that it’s the littlest things in life are what makes life worth living for.

Happy Saturday to all and I have you have a great day.

 

 

Halloween Fun – kids style

I can honestly tell you that Halloween has changed a lot since I was a kids,  it seems more expensive but at the same time it doesn’t seem like people are putting the same effort in as they used to either.

But on the bright side of it all,  it sure does seem longer.  So far we have been to 3 Halloween events ( over the weekend)  and Halloween is tomorrow.  Its been fun and It makes spending $16.00 for one outfit worth it.  My son is Ironman this year,  we bought the outfit from Costco like 2 months ago,  he has been wearing it non stop so I think it was a good buy.  But for our little lady, yeah , mmmm we haven’t bought an outfit.  I will being going to target shortly to see if they have any Halloween onesies left, but don’t plan on spending more than $10.00 (including tax) on it, or going to Savers to see what they have, and if I can’t find anything, well sorry to say than she isn’t dressing up.   ( as we just don’t have the funds this year)

Either way she won’t really be trick or treating as she can’t really walk, she can’t talk and she can’t have candy ( minus M&M’s for breakfast apparently).  She will be going with us, but just in a stroller.

On Halloween we have a lot of plans, so I am glad that both of us have the day off( well minus his school in the morning).  we will be trick or treating at the mall for a little, than home for a nap and then a walk through our neighborhood, and then off to my dads, then to my step moms, and after that we go to the church for some “truck or treating”.

After the night is over with, than we go home and put in “The Nightmare before Christmas”,  we watch it ever year and its a staple of Halloween for us

It’s so cute to hear my son say in a little voice “trick or treat ” and then “thank you”

I am really looking forward to it this year.

adoption blog part 5

This week I want to do something a little different, as you may be aware by now, I jump around (a lot). I can’t help this; this is how my mind works.

I thought this week I would share where I am in my life with my adoption

My adoption has been over 12 1/2 years.  It’s not something that I have ever concealed, as I stated prior. I see my child (we will call her “N”) and her family at least once a year and talk on the phone to either her or her mom (we will call “M”).

In the 12 1/2 since my adoption of my daughter our adoption has changed considerable since the beginning.  There was no clear idea of what the openness of our adoption would be so at first it was just letters and photos. By the time “N” was one, “M” and I were in contacted with each other and decided to do a meeting, face to face.  It was the first time I would have seen “N” since leaving the hospital and 2^nd time seeing her parents altogether (I only met them once before and that’s during the adoption stage)

I went up after “N’s” 1st birthday; my father took me up and came with me.   It was strange to see “N”, it was bizarre to hold her, she didn’t seem to be the same child, she seem better.  She was an angel. I remember being scared and afraid that she wouldn’t like me or wouldn’t want I near her.   But that isn’t what happened.  She came up to me, we played together, and she let me hold her.  It was like she already knew me.  I can’t explain it but it felt like she already knew me.  “M” told me after that that was the first time he ever did that.  She said that “N” wouldn’t let anyone hold her expect for immediate family, she didn’t like strangers and didn’t really like close friends hold her. “M” was astonished that she would walk straight up to me and had no problem being around me.

She later said (that she thinks) that there is a biological bond between us or something like that. “M” has always encouraged our relationship and has always been happy about it.  She says this is what she always wanted with her oldest child’s mom, but never could due to it being a closed adoption.

Her mother: “M” is a wonderful person, knowing her and knowing them as a family has helped me heal and cope with the adoption.  I never fear for my child, I know that she has an incredible life; one that I could never had been able to provide her. (And when I say that I don’t mean incredible due to material objects, but I mean with the warmth and Love they provide to her as a family)

I know that some people may say all you need is love, but the reality is that love doesn’t pay rent, electric, water, child care and food.  And state assistance only goes so far.  I don’t know that I would have been able to do it. But I do know that she deserved better than that. (I don’t believe that I child should suffer for their parents errors or lives)

Knowing them has made my process easy and has allowed me to be able to move on.  I don’t know if I would have survived if it wasn’t for them.  I know that I couldn’t do a closed adoption.  I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself not knowing and always wondering. I couldn’t just let her go and I still can’t, I love her too much to just let go.

Knowing them has made me improved me as a person and enhanced my life.  “M” is a remarkable person and extraordinary mother, I wish I was blessed enough to have such a mother.  There are very few people I look up to in this world, the list is very small and at the time of my life the top of that list is my stepmother (soon to be divorced from my dad) and the other is “M”.

I can’t stress enough that I am happy with my choice and don’t regret it.  I believe that everything happens for a reason, and this child was meant to for to be, even if she wasn’t meant for me.

And so Step 1 has been accomplished *warning parent about to brag about baby*

My little lady took her first real steps today!

It happened out of the blue , no clue, no signs,  out of no where she got up and took a step.

it all happened as I was playing on the laptop (and watching my children play) I noticed my little lady stand up,  and took a step and another and then another , a total of like 4 (maybe 5 steps)  and then she stopped,  inches from her big brother, and then all of a sudden she smacked him like 3 times. Than she sat down and scooted off into the other direction.  Both MR (my son) and I were shocked and our mouths were wide open, we couldn’t believe what happened. her brother upset that she hit him, and me stunned not sure if I should congratulate her on walking or do angry voice for her hitting.

It turned out all she needed was a little motivation to get those first steps happening

Well played little lady well-played.