Adoption is a funny thing, its causes so much pain to one and at the same time provides so much happiness to another. It’s hard to describe and the only people who truly understand it are those that have been through it. We are a small club, but in that club, we are all so different and so are our stories.
I am part of that club; I am birth mother, to an amazing daughter of an open adoption. I am not ashamed of this, in fact, I am proud of it, but finding understanding and acceptance in from people not part of this club is difficult. I consider myself lucky, lucky to have found a wonderful extended family for my child that was open to the idea of an Open Adoption.
I know that others are not as lucky as I am, not every birth parent has my experience, and the idea of adoption from the viewpoint of the birth parent is usually shown in a negative way. It is presumed that once the child is born and the papers are sign that we are just to move on as if nothing happened, as if we can just pick up where we left off 9 months prior. To pretend as if this was all dream, and we are made to feel like we have done something wrong.
So many birth parents follow this rule, and I believe that with them keeping quiet and refusing to talk about it has prevented them from healing. I refused to follow the golden rules and ideas that were presented to me on how a birth parent in an adoption is supposed to act like. I did not keep quiet, and pretend as if nothing happened. And, how could I? I had all the emotional and physical scars as proof that it happened. I spoke up and told everyone about my child and my choice. I was not ashamed of my choice and refused to be made to feel as if I should be. I did not keep quiet about it and go into the shadows a fade away like the memory of a deep dream as suggested to me. Neither did her parents, together we defined our own idea of what adoption is and what open can mean.
I started blogging about my adoption, as I wanted to show a viewpoint from birth parent that does not end in regret or despair. A story in which shows what good can come from an open adoption, not only for the child in question, but also for the healing process for both the child and biological parent. My open adoption has allowed me to heal, to find peace and forgiveness; this is the same for my child and her family.
My experience is unique and is its own, and I know that there are people out there that are facing the same situation and choices every day, as I once did. I wanted to show that yes, even though adoption is hard and sucks, good things can happen too. I also wanted to show that birth parent don’t have to keep quiet, and stay in the dark. By talking about the experience(s), that we have been through can help the difficult and sometimes long healing process.
My life as I know it 
Way back in 1947, I was adopted. The rules at the time in the UK were to sever all links with my Birth mother. From my point of view, I have a piece missing from my jigsaw. A gap, A hole. an empty place. It hurts. Believe me, it really hurts, But I am an old man and I just deal with it.
I dont judge you or my mother, I understand there were reasons I am not aware of.
So I am pleased you are staying in touch with your child.
Take care. x
thank you , I feel your paid, the piece that is always missing, My aunt was adopted into our family ( on my mom’s side), along with my great uncle being adopted on my dad’s side. i have always been surrounded by adoption. I knew of the pain that my aunt and uncle felt, the wondering and never knowing, this is one of the reason’s I did an open adoption, I never wanted her to go through that, I believe that she has the right to know who i am and why, but more importantly she knows she is loved and that is never a question for her.