Happy Friday to All and Happy Birthday!

Hello

And

Happy Friday to All (And thank you for taking the time to read me)

Today is the start of my Birthday weekend, with Sunday being my actual birthday.  to celebrate “AMC” will be airing “The Walking dead” in my honor.( Just go with it,  It makes me happy). Loving myself some zombies (I am deathly afraid of them and when the zombie apocalypse comes I am prepared, Don’t laugh you will be sorry)

Yes I know its hard to believe it’s almost my birthday. and i am turning 32 this year.

Now , yes I can honestly say that I never imagined I would be where I am at this stage in  my life. ( I secretly hoped that I would be rich beyond my dreams, and have been hoping for the lotto as I have no idea what I could do that could make me that much) I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason,  and even though things are tough right now I am getting to spend time with my kids, and I get to take care of things that I have been putting off.

I am hoping this year my luck will change and my life will start moving forward instead of sideways or backwards.

(Yeah I know I hope for a lot,)

On this birthday I will celebrate the start of living life….

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL!

picture of the day : Today vs than ; my writing and thoughts

growing up I used to write, not stories but i used to write my feelings.  It was like my journal.  I used to write about how i felt.  I now, looking back at all of these, I can’t even read them anymore.  Its too hard, I don’t want to remember.

Back than i was sad,  I was depressed and felt alone in everything.  And the funny thing is,  the more people around me, the more i felt alone.  I felt different ,  I knew I was different.  I never thought the same way as everyone else.  I still don’t but I have come to embrace by weirdness, oddness and strangeness. I don’t care really what people think.  but back than, It was hard.  It was hard to be in a room full of people. It was hard to talk to them and it was hard to meet them.

I lived in my own world most of the time,  this is as true now as it was than.  I prefer my imagination vs the real world.   the difference is between than and now is my mind was a way to escape my life and now its a way to entertain me when I am board ( or working),  It helps put me to sleep at night now, vs saving me from the pain I felt everyday back than.

my imagination helped me get through everything back than and my by writing down my feelings it helped me forget how I was feeling.  I don’t want to remember how I felt growing up. I don’t want to go back.

It still is hard,  but I am not as sad as I used to be. i am not depressed as much as I was than.  I still have my moments but i feel like I can stand up now and I know that i have someone there to catch me if I fall.

I never want to go back to that place and I don’t think i want to remember what it was like back than.  I don’t want to look back,  I want to look forward into what will be not what could have been.

tough day

today was that day in which is hopefully the start of getting things right in my life.  Hopefully correcting a mistake I made over 13 years ago.

Today sucked and it was fully of emotion and yelling and screaming and crying.  The one thing I do know about today, is that I don’t have patience for people standing in my way.  and that i don’t take no for an answer.

What I wish people would learn about me,  is I wont stop.

the thing I hate the most about people is hearing the words ” i understand how you feel and what you are going through”….. The truth is that unless you have been in that person shoes you don’t understand… and just because you have been in similar situations doesn’t mean you understand.  Everyone is different and no one handles the same situation in the same way.

Over my almost 32 years on this earth, I have learned that everyone has a story and no one story is the same.  We should never assume that we understand how another feels, especially when we don’t know the whole story…….each story is as unique as the person living it….. Life is not a fairy tale.