32 and lost

Yesterday was my 32nd birthday… and I am just as lost as I was in my 20’s and teens.  I am still awaiting for that moment to hit me when, BAM life starts.

this can’t be it.  This can’t be all there is to life.

I feel like I have accomplished nothing.  At least nothing I wanted, Nothing of real accomplishment.  Nothing that has, I guess, touched me inside.

I don’t consider having kids to be an accomplishment,  that is not of any of my real control.

If i break it down, this is how it goes,  I am 32 and out of work ( no job and no real job prospects) I have missed this month’s mortgage payment( so far) as of the 15th it is considered past due and by the end of the month (30 days) they can start foreclosure.  I am struggling just to keep the bills paid ( electric, water and food)

I feel like I have no control over my life, No control over anything.  I don’t know what to do at this point in my life.  I don’t know where to go from here.  I am lost. I am lost with nowhere to turn.

What do you do at this point.  the reality is that I was making over $2700 a month on my own,  and with this we were barely surviving,  Living paycheck to paycheck.  and I am now looking at job paying $10.00 an hour.  So, if I do get these job, at $10.00 and hour, I don’t even think i will be able to make the bills.  So either way, I don’t know, i feel like I am set up at this point to fail.

I don’t know where to go from here.  I don’t really want help, I just want a job,  I want to be able to support my family and I can’t.

I just want to scream it is so frustrating,  I just want a job, a direction,  I just want that feel something.  I don’t want to just wander through life anymore.  I want to experience it. I want to be inspired by it,  I want to live.

 

Happy Friday to All and Happy Birthday!

Hello

And

Happy Friday to All (And thank you for taking the time to read me)

Today is the start of my Birthday weekend, with Sunday being my actual birthday.  to celebrate “AMC” will be airing “The Walking dead” in my honor.( Just go with it,  It makes me happy). Loving myself some zombies (I am deathly afraid of them and when the zombie apocalypse comes I am prepared, Don’t laugh you will be sorry)

Yes I know its hard to believe it’s almost my birthday. and i am turning 32 this year.

Now , yes I can honestly say that I never imagined I would be where I am at this stage in  my life. ( I secretly hoped that I would be rich beyond my dreams, and have been hoping for the lotto as I have no idea what I could do that could make me that much) I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason,  and even though things are tough right now I am getting to spend time with my kids, and I get to take care of things that I have been putting off.

I am hoping this year my luck will change and my life will start moving forward instead of sideways or backwards.

(Yeah I know I hope for a lot,)

On this birthday I will celebrate the start of living life….

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL!