Question, just one little question

I just have one question,  just one.

How does one know what they want to be?  I mean really, How does someone know what they want to do for a living?

I am stuck, I have no clue,  and I guess a little lost.

I know I can’t do poo, and vomit,  or anything like that.

I don’t know if I want a conventional or non conventional job.  or where I want to work.  How can you tell, granted I have been getting a lot of “well do something you like” but I really don’t think I can get paid to read books, play online or take care of my kids.  So, as you can see I am a little lost.

And if you thought process is to think of something else, well that’s what I have been trying to do.  the reality is, that I just can’t take any job,  as I have a family to support and I really don’t want to be on welfare my whole life.  ( actually I would like to be off of it as soon as possible)

I have made some goals, things that I would like to do.  One is to move out of AZ, maybe WA, OR or CA.  I would love to travel, even find a job that would allow me to travel. But at the same time, I don’t want to miss out on any part of my kids life.

Here I am, a little lost and trying to find my way….. and try to figure out what my career path should be.  What my dream job is?

trying to find a meaning in it all

Since I started my new journey in my life in July, I have been trying to find some sort of meaning in it all.  I keeping hoping that this all happened for a greater reason.  I haven’t found it what that reason is yet.  I don’t know if I am looking incorrectly or in the wrong spot, but nothing has hit me.  But then again if it has, I don’t know if I would have noticed it, as I don’t even know what I am looking for.

I need a job; this is less an actual want but more of a need.  In order to survive in this world and for my kids to thrive, I need a job to support them.  I have been struggling so much in this area.  It’s hard to stay positive when everything keeps looking bad and all I get is some sort of bad news, and wishing for the lotto is not an actual plan, as I have less control over that than getting an actual job.

To be honest I don’t know what I want or where I want to go in life, I just know it’s not here.  I try not to complain ( minus this blog) as I know that I am not the only one,  Most of us work jobs we don’t really like and want more than what we have,  and the reality is we will never get where we want to be.

We hear stories on the internet, or on news shows about that one guy who worked himself up from a janitor to a CEO.  The reality, he was lucky, the exception to the rule.  This will not happen to us, there’s a reason why this story is so exciting, it’s because it is rare, it doesn’t happen all the time or even part of the time.  Nevertheless, it does create false hope in us that this can happen as long as we follow the rules and work hard, we are told that we can succeed, just like this man over here.  However, it won’t and it won’t matter how much we work and how good of an employee we are, at the end of the day it’s just luck.  That’s what it comes down to, luck.  This is the part of the story they always leave out.

I would love to be content in life that I have, to be happy with what I have but that’s not me.  I want to strive for something more in my life, it’s not about the house or the car, and I just want to be more than what I am.  I don’t know what I want to strive for but I do know I want to be more than the value that is place on my head from an employer.  This is where I am lost and where I am looking for the “meaning” of.

I don’t want to continue to work dead-end jobs, but I don’t know where to go that would make me actually happy.  It’s hard to move forward in life if you are stuck in one spot searching for something you either lost or can’t find but its even harder to find when you don’t even know what that something is.

All I know is that there has to be more than this, there has to be something more out there for me.  There has to be a meaning for all of this, I just wish I knew what it was, or an idea of what I need to do to get it,