So I have reached this point in the last week where I am at a loss. One moment I am like yay! and the other well , down in a well. Job searching sucks, and interviewing sucks. I don’t even know at this point what is a good interview, and when its time to run. I now go into almost all interviews with a positive outlook and leave disappointed no matter what happens.
My weight, well lets not start there. I am actually don’t even know where to start with it. I know i have problems, in the eating area that prevents me from really loosing weight. I don’t know how to control any of my emotions so I can’t control my eating too. I don’t know if I can ever control my eating especially with carbs. this is my weakness.
Well my family, life has its moments, not my kids or fiance. ( well not him directly) My fiance family is one of our problems ( but not with us just with them) and then there’s my family or lack of family. Yes my family is huge by numbers but not close at all. I come from a normal family, both parents are divorced ( since i was 1) and remarried , but my dad and step-mom are in the middle of a divorce now. Oh and both set of my grandparents are divorced, and the grandpa’s are remarried ( one is actually on his 4th wife I think) , with all of this , I have learned to put no value in marriage, instead of caring about a piece of paper, I care more about our actual relationship, I don’t know if we will ever marry but I know that I don’t care. it won’t change anything.
My daughter had her first birthday, and out of my actual very large family and extended family of over 75 people only 2 people showed up, 3 if you count my dad who had to work late. It’s not that they didn’t show up, and i can careless about a gift ( she doesn’t need anything) it’s that she didn’t matter enough to be acknowledge on her birthday. that’s what bothered me. It’s not about a party or presents, it’s about love and being there for each other. My children have entered a time where there is a lack of family, and it sadness me. Growing up I was surrounded by my grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles ( great aunts and uncles too) and cousins. but all of that is gone now. People die, divorce and start what they call their own families and i guess with all that you are left with really nothing. i find myself now at almost 32 with no mother ( due to her remarriage, and i guess I am not part of that or good enough in her eyes to belong) , a father and stepmother who are going their own ways now, and aunts and uncles that now have grown children and they are doing their own things too.
it leaves me to wonder what happened to family? where did they go?
When times got tough and you needed advise with work, children, marriage or money you could turn to family. Now you are left looking inward and wondering what to do and where to go and what happens next. there is no one there to help guide you or give advice. it feels like we are all left to deal with this on our own and we are all walking and bumping into each other with no real direction on where to go next and what to do.
My life as I know it 